Interviewer:
When did you first start feeling anxious about choosing the right life partner?Me:
Honestly, since my early 20s during friends' weddings. Seeing them glowingly in love stoked pressure that I better not screw this up. The weight of forever felt terrifying guessing wrongly. I battled FOMO seeing acquaintances form families first, wondering if I was too selective or afraid of commitment.Interviewer:
Do you have a pattern of short dating relationships or trouble sustaining connections?Me:
Yes, unfortunately. The minute functional disagreements arise in relationships, I previously bailed reflexively to "protect my heart." I subconsciously sabotaged partnerships once comfort set in. My avoidance of conflict definitely hindered finding enduring love, instead repeatedly hitting reset nervously.Interviewer:
Why do you feel finding the "perfect soulmate" matters so significantly?Me:
Deep down, because I link marital success to my value and purpose as a woman socially. Like achieving this elusive fairytale status will finally make me worthy. It’s also tied to longings for stability and conditional security absent in childhood. I falsely believe the “right” partner will fix underlying wounds no quantity of self-work could mend.Interviewer:
Do you harbor unrealistic fantasies about romantic love from movies/media?Me:
Absolutely. I falsely envision some magical partner instantly fulfilling my every emotional need without mutual effort. My head knows logically that relationships fluctuate and require compromise to weather the lows. But emotionally, I see marriage as the pinnacle happy ending versus the imperfect choice two flawed humans make through partnership.Interviewer:
Are you fully tuned into discernment signs like shared values, compatibility, timing, life purposes?Me:
I’m working on it! But previously I overlooked misaligned core values, interests or worldviews in partners if chemistry felt strong enough initially. I struggled separating infatuation from genuine connective tissue. Being so fixated on abstract soulmate status stunted my ability to vet compatibility beyond attraction and charisma.Interviewer:
Do you acknowledge every relationship requires concessions from both parties?Me:
Intellectually yes, but my self-absorbed approach historically centered sticking points as dealbreakers versus opportunity for mutual understanding. I falsely saw "working on the relationship" as a red flag something was amiss instead of foundational to lasting love. My avoidance of discomfort hindered reconciliation skills required for true intimacy.Interviewer:
What fears arise for you visualizing a lifetime with the wrong partner?Me:
Mainly the perceived jail sentence of divorce if choosing incorrectly! Seeing loved ones endure painful marital separations cemented my aversion to permanent lockdown without an easy exit strategy. I also irrationally fear resentment or infidelity dooming even mediocre marriages eventually through no one’s fault.Interviewer:
Where might these catastrophic thinking patterns originate?Me:
Probably an abusive previous relationship that felt inescapable early on. The helplessness of being entrapped with someone harmful crumbled my security that all partnerships intrinsically offer safe harbor. My underlying distrust still unconsciously believes trusting the wrong person could unravel my entire existence if not vigilantly avoided.Interviewer:
How have you reconciled fears to move forward more positively recently?Me:
Through therapy addressing root wounds and attachment trauma triggering this paralysis. Also embracing the fact no one reaches self-actualization or healing from relationship avoidance before saying “I do.” Healthy marriage is about two imperfect beings striving towards spiritual wholeness together through thick and thin. I’m learning to reframe “forever” as a daily choice, not anxious life sentence.Interviewer:
What qualities seem most promising in a prospective life partner for you currently?Me:
Emotional maturity, self awareness and mutual caretaking. Someone who takes responsibility for their own baggage instead of projecting. A certain stripped down vulnerability and trust that together we can weather external chaos or conflict through candid communication. The willingness to listen, change and meet each other halfway as human equals.Interviewer:
Any parting guidance for others battling commitment fears?Me:
Firstly, know your worries are normal! But also lean into the reasons you avoid permanence to unearth what rejecting “forever” is protecting inside you. Get radically honest with yourself. No perfect soulmates exist, but with courage, the right partner can be someone who sees and values your messiness through hands-on intimacy, unconditionally. That’s real love.