Interviewer:
At what age did baby fever start hitting friends versus yourself?Me:
Throughout my late 20s it seemed everyone around me caught the parenting bug. Baby showers and pregnancy announcements flooded my social media feeds while I still felt utterly unready for selfless duty of motherhood. Though a small part of me longed to join the club, fear held me back.Interviewer:
What specifically frightens you most about taking the parenting plunge?Me:
Definitely the permanence of it! Bringing vulnerable tiny lives into this chaotic world knowing they rely fully on me for survival feels terrifying. The immensity of that responsibility ending my selfish freedoms is anxiety inducing. Once you have a baby, there’s no turning back.Interviewer:
Do you also worry about losing your identity in motherhood?Me:
Absolutely. I worked hard cultivating a career I’m proud of and enjoy expressing my creativity through travel, art, writing. Willing sacrificing everything familiar to prioritize little people instead feels sobering. I irrationally fear losing my passions and personhood to the all-consuming mom life.Interviewer:
What pregnancy/birth related fears hold you back?Me:
Mainly horror stories of torn flesh, broken bones and grueling marathon labor with no epidural! The physical trauma seems traumatizing. I have low pain tolerance and love my fit strong body. Understanding permanent changes stretch marks and weight gain bring feels vulnerable when everything female-wise functions fine now.Interviewer:
Do you also have hangups around losing financial freedom or independence?Me:
Definitely. Right now I enjoy comfortable spontaneity in my stable career, traveling often and spending money on my interests without restriction. Children require so much consistent time, energy and cash with no guaranteed return on investment! Giving up my flexible lifestyle and disposable income for ungrateful rugrats seems crazy.Interviewer:
Where might these intense fears originate do you think?Me:
Probably from lack of maternal role models enjoying parenting growing up. My own narcissistic mother complained about sacrificing her dreams for unplanned kids. Witnessing her stalemate unhappy marriage and financial struggles shaped my belief that motherhood ruined bright futures. Her misery scared me from romanticizing babies.Interviewer:
That makes sense. When did you first reconsider those ingrained assumptions?Me:
When my early 30s brought streams of nieces/nephews into the world. Witnessing their innocent joy, hysterical personalities and fierce love towards me softened my defenses. Their hugs, laughter and insight made me reconsider if perhaps I’d blocked myself from deepest human connections fearing loss of freedom. My heart opened to new possibilities.Interviewer:
How has your partner influenced your shifting perspective on parenting hopes?Me:
Tremendously. Watching my husband glow interacting with little ones highlighted what an incredibly nurturing, protective father he’ll become someday. Knowing our baby would be raised feeling safe, valued and fun makes the idea much less scary. His faith in our readiness despite knowing real hardships ahead calms me.Interviewer:
What personal changes are easing your past baby fears recently?Me:
Maturing into my body, career and womanhood with age and life experience. Time has taught me self-worth isn’t contingent upon flat abs or lavish vacations. And cultivating a strong circle of mom friends who still pursue their passions makes working motherhood feel less impossible. I’m leaning into trust.Interviewer:
What key lessons would you share with other women battling fertility fears?Me:
Firstly - no “perfect time” for motherhood exists, so forgive yourself the what-ifs. Secondly, get radically honest about the deeper roots of avoidance in therapy or journaling. Finally, give your strong capable voice loving precedence over inherited trauma or criticisms. Womanhood endures irrepressible beauty however motherhood unfolds. Give yourself grace.